My life hasn't had any significant changes in the past 3-4 months, and even though a lot has happened, I didn't change.
What I did notice though, was that even though I haven't changed in any way, my mood and feelings are in an ongoing rollercoaster. Sometimes I'm happy about the way things are, and other times I just can't accept it at all. I'm in total chaos of not knowing how to feel or what to do, emotionally or physically. I've experienced so many different moods, and discovered I have so little control over my shit. Here and there and everywhere, I am nothing, and I am nowhere.
The thing I discovered though, was that you're only in charge of your attitude towards things, towards accepting them or not. Even if you were at the top of world, if you think yourself low, you will be low and the moment will be gone, remembered as if it was awful. So you're basically in charge of how you wanna make this thing look for you in the future. Time flees sooooooo fast. You can't relive the moment and change it, once its gone its gone, so you better make it count.

Why I feel alone.

I tell you right up that I am not alone, but I feel it. I have people around me at all times, many speak to me about their troubles, and many just like to whine all the time, I'm a great listener (or so I think I am).
I'm also quite cheerful most of the time, even though I tend to be sensitive, but I keep a good attitude, because I hate to drag people down with me intentionally.
But some days, I have bad days, most of the time when I feel low and blue, I avoid conversations, I avoid people as much as possible.. But other times when I feel low and blue, I really just need someone to listen to my whining.
I've said I'm quite sensitive, and I sense quickly when people don't wanna listen, I hate the feeling, I hate being ignored or belittled by another.
I hate that they see my problems as silly, or unworthy of so much feelings. So unworthy of talking about.
I don't have a go-to person, someone who will take my ups and downs, and be there for me when I whine. I don't need much, just some mental support, just effin listen, feel with me, make me feel important. I sometimes know my problems aren't worth mentioning, but at some given moment, it felt like a hell of a lot to bare.
SO JUST LISTEN MAN.

Unconditional Love

I once read somewhere that girls fall in love harder when they feel pain, unlike guys who fall out of love (or simply walk away) if felt real pain. *Not 100% reliable information, can't remember where I read it either :P
So, that's why mothers who feel so much pain while delivering, love their babies so much, even though they've hurt them. And that's why after a break up, we feel so much more love than during a relationship, for some odd reason!
When I personally think of it, I think that girls like pain, and the more they feel pain, and then the heeling of the pain, they love more. MAYBE?!
It's the father's love that I don't understand, how can they feel so much love? Is it the idea that they're clung to you for life? Or is it the idea of fatherhood? Sons love their dads who teach them and spend a lot of time with them, male version of love seems to me comes with time and understanding, long times of bonding and courtship, support and communication, maybe the neediness? Why do fathers love their children? El 7amdulellah, it's the safest love in the world, but is it the idea??

What makes love last?

Guys are douches, girls are dummies

Guys are douchebags, we all know that, and guys think that of other guys' behaviours... until they become douchebags also. Same for the dummy girls!
At some point in life we all go through something that makes us become someone we never thought we would be.
The question is why do we think guys are douchebags (what makes us call them that most of the time?), they hurt a girl, dump her so selfishly not considering of her feelings blah blah blah. And that is true, guys do that, we think they do it so inconsiderately, so heartlessly, we hate them and call them douchebags! When we're on the guy's side, or when you're the guy, you just can't help but do that precisely, you can't not dump her that way, either because you don't love her anymore and she won't let you go, or she's just hurting you too much you just had to do it cruelly. And let's be honest, there is no safe, no hard feelings dumping kind of way, right?
Same goes for girls, we hate weakness, we hate it when we see it in other girls, whining and running after another guy, or crying over a failed relationship, we hate it and we urge girls to stop being so weak and whiny and "just get over it" we say. Until, that's us, until we fall madly in love with someone, and we can't help but be stupid, but be weak. It's just how we are, we can't help it, and we can't do any better. It was the only way we could be, dummies!